The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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