Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
