I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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