who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it was like eating out sand paper
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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