So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
