Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
