oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
