if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
