Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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