My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
