a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my being single is dangerous.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
