It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
