I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
