I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
