I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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