I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
