Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
