Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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