dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
