I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
