he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
