Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
