Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
