So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
