just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize