just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize