I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize