I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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