Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
