Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
