My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
