you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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