paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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