I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
