he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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