I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
