He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
