the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
