there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
