you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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