it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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