Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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