You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
