There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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