I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
