google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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