You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
