i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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