if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
