My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
