i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
