Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
