imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
