would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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