At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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