Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
