I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
