If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
