she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
