The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
