Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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