After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
