I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This house was built for laser tag.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
