I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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