So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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