ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
