he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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