I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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