I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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