sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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