Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
